Chantix

Let me me preface this post by stating that I have taken Chantix before, and it worked.

I am, or rather, was, on Chantix. Obviously I smoke or I wouldn't be taking it. The first time I took it I smoked for about 2 and a half weeks and then magically I just stopped; didn't want to smoke anymore. It was Awesome! The second time I took it, I quit after two weeks because I was travelling and didn't want to smoke where I was going.

This time, however, I started taking it and I am at two months and am still smoking. I have tried to quit several times but sadly I am still smoking.

This time I am an asshole. This never happened before. My wife can't stand me, the kids think I'm a mean person and to be honest I don't like me. I don't like the person I have become and I hate how my wife sees me.

When your wife tells you that you are not the man she married, there is some shit seriously wrong with that.

This... attitude let's call it, has gone on for over a month now and I hate it. I was ready to stop taking Chantix before because I didn't like the person I am on it. My wife and I mutually decided that I should keep taking it because it was better to suffer in the short term than keep smoking and suffer in the long term. I get that, I really do. But deep down I know that Horrible Me would not go away and I dreaded what would happen. Don't get me wrong, I wanted and still want to quit smoking, it is a crutch and it sucks.

Long story short, I can't live my life always wondering if a) I am going to the straw that broke the camels back and everyone hates me or even worse, b) that my wife will just get fed up enough to leave me seeing as how I am not the same person that she married.

The funny thing is that I can see all of this happening to me. The anger, the edginess, the assholeness... All of it! But as long as I have that shit pumping through my brain I can't keep my finger off the trigger for very long and will eventually snap and be the person most hated in the house... again.

To the point of tears most days is how Chantix makes me feel about myself. I hate me.

So I am not taking it anymore. Fuck it.

If I smoke but am the person that my wife married, I would rather me him that whoever this asshole is.

The irony is that I know that I can't quit alone, without help and I know Chantix can do it.

Maybe I'll try it again after moving and holiday stress subsides, who knows.

NASA's Curiosity Rover Checks in On Mars Using Foursquare

From the Science Daily article:

ScienceDaily (Oct. 4, 2012) — NASA's Curiosity Mars rover checked in on Mars Wednesday using the mobile application Foursquare. This marks the first check-in on another planet. Users on Foursquare can keep up with Curiosity as the rover checks in at key locations and posts photos and tips, all while exploring the Red Planet.

After landing in Gale Crater last month, Curiosity began a planned 23-month mission that includes some of Mars' most intriguing scientific destinations. Curiosity is roving toward Mount Sharp, a mountain about 3 miles (5 kilometers) tall. The rover is conducting experiments along the way, seeking clues in the rocks and soil that would indicate whether Mars ever was capable of supporting microbial life. It is taking and sharing pictures of the trip."NASA is using Foursquare as a tool to share the rover's new locations while exploring Mars," said David Weaver, associate administrator for communications at NASA Headquarters in Washington. "This will help to involve the public with the mission and give them a sense of the rover's travels through Gale Crater."

Back here on Earth, Foursquare users will be able to earn a Curiosity-themed badge on the social media platform for check-ins at locations that generate an interest in science, technology, engineering and mathematics. Available late this year, this new badge will encourage Foursquare users to explore science centers, laboratories and museums that pique scientific curiosity.

NASA has been on Foursquare since 2010 through a strategic partnership with the platform. This partnership, launched with astronaut Doug Wheelock's first-ever check-in from the International Space Station, has allowed users to connect with NASA and enabled them to explore the universe and re-discover Earth.

The partnership launched the NASA Explorer badge for Foursquare users, encouraging them to explore NASA-related locations across the country. It also included the launch of a NASA Foursquare page, where the agency provides official tips and information about the nation's space program.

The Jet Propulsion Laboratory manages the Mars Science Laboratory mission and its Curiosity rover for NASA's Science Mission Directorate in Washington. The rover was designed, developed and assembled at JPL, a division of the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena.

To find out more about Mars Curiosity and NASA on Foursquare, visit: http://www.foursquare.com/MarsCuriosityand http://www.foursquare.com/NASA

For information about NASA's partnership with Foursquare, visit: http://www.nasa.gov/connect/foursquare.html

For more information about NASA's Curiosity mission, visit:http://www.nasa.gov/msl and http://mars.jpl.nasa.gov/msl .

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BLACK HOLE TWINS?

Found this article on Discovery News:

From the article:

Globular star clusters like M22, located about 10,600 light-years away in the constellation Sagittarius, may start out with hundreds of black holes, but gravity soon slingshots all but one of them away.

Or so scientists thought.

Newly discovered radio waves coming from M22 indicate the massive cluster has at least two -- and possibly as many as 100 -- black holes, each about 10 to 20 times the mass of the sun.

"This suggests that while some black holes might be ejected from globular clusters, this process may not be as efficient as some have thought. Globular clusters might actually turn out to be good places to look for black holes, rather than poor ones," Michigan State University astronomer Jay Strader told Discovery News.

Black holes are objects so densely packed with matter that not even photons of light can escape their gravitational grip. They are found by studying their impact on orbiting partner stars and surrounding material.

Each of M22's black holes has a companion object that is being cannibalized -- not good for the objects, but fortuitous for astronomers who were able to pick up telltale radio signals of the phenomenon.

Analysis shows there may be many more stellar-mass black holes, perhaps as many as 100, lurking inside the cluster, a spherical collection of stars orbiting around the galactic center.

"That many black holes will have an effect on the structure and evolution of M22," noted astronomer Stefan Umbreit with Northwestern University.

The black holes likely would keep the cluster's core from contracting and slow the evolution of the cluster as a whole.

M22's black holes are estimated to be about 1.6 light years from one another. Light travels at about 186,000 miles per second.

Strader and his colleagues actually were hunting for larger black holes, those with 100- to 1,000 times the mass of the sun, when they stumbled upon M22's pair.

"The stellar-mass black holes we found were a surprise," Strader wrote in an email.

The research is published in this week's Nature.

Curiosity Finds Old Streambed on Mars

From the NASA Press Release:

Sept. 27, 2012: NASA's Curiosity rover mission has found evidence a stream once ran vigorously across the area on Mars where the rover is driving. There is earlier evidence for the presence of water on Mars, but this evidence -- images of rocks containing ancient streambed gravels -- is the first of its kind.

"From the size of gravels it carried, we can interpret the water was moving about 3 feet per second, with a depth somewhere between ankle and hip deep," said Curiosity science co-investigator William Dietrich of the University of California, Berkeley. "Plenty of papers have been written about channels on Mars with many different hypotheses about the flows in them. This is the first time we're actually seeing water-transported gravel on Mars. This is a transition from speculation about the size of streambed material to direct observation of it."

Got Hitched!!

So....

I finally did it! I got married to the one person in this world with whom I should have been married to all along... Heather.

We met on Wordfeud in September of 2010 and have since emailed, chatted, talked on the phone, Skyped, traveled to meet in person several times and eventually I moved back to So Cal from Austin, TX to be with her in June of 2011.

July 30th, 2012 we got married and made it official.

We traveled to Medford, OR for her Dad's family reunion. We left on Thursday, July 26th and drove from Mojave, CA to Medford with my son, Atom and her son, Nathan. Her two girls, Meghan and Aubrey, left a day earlier with Heather's parents in their trailer.

Friday we went rafting on the Rogue River as her Uncle owns a rafting company in Shady Cove, OR. and took us all out. It was interesting to say the least. We almost capsized with all four kids in the raft. Heather fell out and I jumped out to be in the water for the kids who I was sure would fall in. In a twist of luck, by jumping out of the raft I righted it and was sucked under the raft and missed the ring on the boat by just a couple inches. I floated down the Rogue for about a quarter mile before her brothers, Chris and Devin, turned their kayak around and caught me. We managed to get to the raft and they helped Heather and myself back into out boat and we continued on our merry way. We had dinner at the Standing Stone Brewery in Ashland, OR that night and then did some shopping. Word of advice, DO NOT ask the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company in Ashland if they have chocolate covered bacon... We felt like we killed their cat after we asked just an innocent question like that. The cousin's (myself and Heather included) stayed in Ashland and went to the Black Sheep Pub for some drinks. Kewl atmosphere!!!

Saturday we got up, showered and went into Jacksonville, OR for some more shopping and and haircut for my son and I, in preparation for the wedding. They have some nice stores there! Terrafirma is one I highly recommend. After shopping and some coffee and breakfast we headed over to Doc Griffin Spray park for a reunion lunch with sandwiches and beer; though I didn't drink until later. We wrapped it up and went back to our campsite to prepare for the last reunion meal; an old-fashioned BBQ! I did all of the BBQ'ing with a little help from Chris who gave me a welding glove for turning the chicken and veggies, thanks d00d! Dinner was good and we chilled out for the rest of the evening.

Sunday, we packed up the campsite and headed to Eugene, OR where we stayed Sunday night at the Hilton Garden Inn. I made sure they had Chocolate Covered Strawberries and Fruit and Champagne in the room waiting for us. Heather was surprised and love it! Nice room, King Bed and a Jacuzzi Tub with a seamless glass shower in the bathroom. We did some laundry and relaxed in the room.

Monday we got up and had breakfast at the hotel then we packed the van and left for town. Heather got her hair done at Just Hair while I went to the bank to get the rest of the money for the wedding. She looked so beautiful with her hair all done up like that. We got dressed at the salon and then headed over to our wedding locale, Voodoo Doughnuts. We meet her parents there who had the kids and my parents arrived slightly before the ceremony. Heather was wearing a very nice, short, wispy wedding dress with studded and shinny bracelets that matched her dress and shoes. I wore Tommy Bahama Cotton Linen pants with a dark grey v-neck tee shirt under a nice white button down Guess shirt. All of the men / boys wore daisy lays and the women / girls had either corsages or bouquets. It was time for pictures, which many were taken. then time for the wedding. We got married by a Voodoo High Priestess who worked for the shop. We said our own vows and it was done. After some more pics Heather and I left to got get our certified copy of the marriage license and then we took off on our honeymoon to Eureka, CA.

We took the 5 to the 42 to the 1/101 all the way down to Eureka.

Once we got there, we had reservations at the Eureka Inn but realized that the pictures on their website were not of the room they booked for us and they would not budge on the price for a renovated room. We canceled our reservation and went to the Red Lion who gave us a great deal on a suite.

Eureka was fun!! Los Bagels for Breakfast, shopping at the Irish Shop, Kokkopilau, a nice luggage shop and some candy store in the old town area. We headed to Arcata, CA for lunch at Hole in the Wall then ate it at the Arcata Community Forest; a nice redwood forest right out of town. More shopping in the Arcata plaza and we got some new Keen's at Pacific Outfitters. For dinner, we meet my parents who were passing through town, it was Lost Coast Brewery. I was in heaven!!! They make my favorite beer, Downtown Brown. Dinner was amazing!! 8-Ball Stout Beef Stew for me and Dos Tacos for Heather. We picked up some t-shirts and a kewl Downtown Brown tin sign.

We went back to the room and then woke up on Wednesday and hit the Samoa Cookhouse for breakfast. Another stop over at Los Bagels for some coffee and we hit the lazy road home stopping at some touristy shops and places along the way like the Gem Shop to get geodes for the kids and The Legend of Bigfoot store in the middle of the Humboldt Redwoods.

We got home late and slept good. Heather's mom dropped off the kids around 6:45am on Thursday and we relaxed for the rest of the day.

Last Saturday Heather and I went to Moorpark, CA and got our wedding bands tattooed and they look amazing!!! Thanks Rick!!

So that is the wedding story...

More later.

Dawg.

Slashdot and other news...

I know it's been a while since I have posted and I appologize. Life is busy and active. I guess things could be worse.

I have had several stories posted on Slashdot, which is kewl. Since I read it all day long it makes sense that I submit stories that I read elsewhere to it.

I am getting more invloved in Writing.Com (WdC) and my involvement with the Vigilante Angel Ranger Team.

Work is busy but okay. It can be tough being only one of two IT Desktop Guru's at a Major Bank's Mortgage Center supporting about 800 people. But, we get by.

I will be posting more now that some of the new hires have settled into their roles and getting adjusted.

Dawg...

Disneyland...

Now that I am back in California and working I can finally go back to Disneyland. I just got an Annual Pass and went last weekend with my fiancee, Heather.

Oh man! It was so much fun! Granted we didn't go early in the morning and stay all day but we got there at two and were able to do some fun stuff!

We got there later because we both coach her son's soccer team, The Ninja Turtles, and then we went to her two daughter's soccer game (They are still undefeated!) and then dropped them off at her Mom's and we left on our adventure.

When we got there I realized that the actual process for getting a pass has changed for the better. You can buy them from the ticket window and they can bill you every month for the pass until it is paid off. You just pay for the day and that gets credited to your account and then they bill you from $20-39 every month, depending on the pass you get.

We went straight to Buzz Lightyear Astro-Blasters and she totally kicked my ass! Then we went to Space Mountain which is all done up for Halloween, complete with Zombies! Next was some shopping and then dinner at Rainforest Cafe in the Downtown Disney District. Once we were done with dinner we hustled over to California Adventure and caught World of Color, which was amazing... Think of it as the Fountain Show at the Bellagio in Vegas on steroids! The last this we did was go on Haunted Mansion (My Favorite) and saw how they decorated it for Nightmare Before Christmas.

On the way back to the car we stopped at the Disney Store and did some more shopping.

All in all it was fun and I am glad to be back as a Pass Holder!